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abbz57
read my profile sign my guestbook Name: Abby Country: United States State: Pennsylvania Birthday: 4/12/1987 Gender: Female Expertise: none ... that i can think of.... Occupation: Student Message: message me Member Since: 8/5/2004

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Saturday, April 15, 2006

yea... i know a long time.... but i needed to vent somewhere no one really cared about anymore....... it seems myspace is too popular to put out how i really feel.... and well the good old fashioned way of doing things is too safe.....

have you ever been frusterated with life..... people tell you stop worrying it will be fine... i even realized that i only live once ... so why waste it being upset??..... somehow that still doesn't change things....
i still feel the need to be something better than i expected myself to be... or others expected me to be...or perhaps its what i THOUGHT others expected me to be... yea .. that sounds about right.

i want to do it on my own too.
as much as a helping hand may be needed and truely appreciated i want to accomplish something on my own.... especially when it comes to the biggest thing that there is in my life. accomplishing a meaningful life.... i think i want to manage taht one on my own.. i don't want some soon to be playmate giving me the hand...
( sorry that probably made no sense... ) its ok cuz no one is really going to read this...

its not just about modeling... its my entire life... what if modeling wasnt' for me
??
then perhaps a doctor ....?
either way i want to do it on my own.... i want to be able to have the credit and the braging rights when i reach the finish line
of course i'd never brag but i want those rights...i dont' want ot have to forward all that to the person who was behind me.

i don't want anyone behind me except for moral support and that would be my parents..... thats it.

Another area of life....
i'm tired of feeling obligated to be normal... to live waht is known as a normal life.. you go to school you grow up.... to you got college close to home you get a job you get married you have kids..... ya konw what!.... THEN you die.
no thank you... i want to make a difference.... i , no. no no no..... i don't want i NEED.
i need to make a difference....
i just don't know how i'm meant to do it yet....
so i suppose when i get so upset over playboy models it isnt' because i'm jealous or intimidated....
ok it is a little bit of a self esteme issue... it is a great title... but it isnt' my title....
i'm jealous of the a GREAT title... i want to be able to say that i've done somethign great with myself....
making it to be a playboy model is great really it is.... but it is a different kind of great.....
it is not my k ind of great
and perhaps until i find something to offer inplace of that TYPE of greatness i feel pretty crappy....
i feel like my life is a mess....
i wish i had done something amazing to compensate for the playboy model i am not.

does that make anysense???

so many people would say taht i am a great person and that by itself makes up for not being a playboymodel... but.... there are many great people in the world.... i want to do someitng meaningful with taht....
i also suppose that it isnt' meaningful to me unless it is remembered??.....
it could be remembered by one person... does that compensate??....
not in my book
it needs to make a major impact .....
ok so if one person has had a major impact on their life due to me... that is good....
but i suppsoooose i want to have a major impact on many people....
trhat might be wishing for alot but i need to do that in my life time..... or i dont' believe i'll ever be a peaceful soul.

when everyone is trying to help... i feel more pressured than ever to hurry up and do it on my own....
maybe that is my sign..... "hurry up" get to it.... lets go lets go lets go... stop wasting time....

maybe?
.....................
but what about not rushing my life away what about enjoying it ..... taking time to watch the seasons chagne???

thats what i like to do....

how can you do both when it takes so much work to reach your goals and you barely have time to aknowledge waht day it is???

anyway.... i think i know what i need to think about next....

do you?
or are you lost haha??
does't matter
its all in one's priorities....
you probably could have told me taht....
actually... ha.
i alredy knew that.
i justt needed to be remineded
but i wont' remember that cuz i liked the feeling i got when i felt like i discovered soemitng importantan and life changeing for me....
ok
good night i'm gonnna go fig out my priorities....
later
-abby

4:13 AM - 12 views - 4 eprops - 3 comments - email it

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

	hey...eddie is a poop head ... haha i told you i'd talk bad about you....
	8:34 PM - 1 view - 4 eprops - 4 comments - email it

Sunday, December 11, 2005

	i'm over at eddies and i can't sleep... so i got up got a snack and played on the computer....... did you know cached means that teh site ahs been viewed?? so if you do a search and it says cache at the bottom that site was veiwed... hmm welp i'm getting cold..... ttyl
	2:54 AM - 1 view - add eprops - add comments - email it

Thursday, December 08, 2005

so many things to think about....

so many directions i could go....

should i stay or should i go... what do i really want to do...

i want to go.

when i go who will i leave behind... a few that i love... but i believe that i'll never be whole until i get away...

when i leave how far will i go??...

will i be leaving something i have now for good or can i keep it through the years??

what i choose to keep should i really keep by really keep i mean do i really want to keep it for all the reasons i should.??? or am i keeping it for the wrong reasons....

adn what determines which reasons are truely right or wrong.??

if i hold on to this will it keep me from what was really meant for me?

if i step into something new will i be directed to where i belong?

or maybe i need to find it formyself??

so many questions that i wish could be answered easily ...

and once answered i wish someone else could deliver the message.

maybe all this can happen

maybe i just need time

one thing at a time...

yea...

maybe thats the key

something i knew all along

....

one thing at a time

my most common advice

how could i disregard it so quickly???

one thing at a time

i'll go start with tomorrows homework.

bye

7:21 PM - 2 views - 4 eprops - 3 comments - email it

Monday, November 28, 2005

i'm over at eddies house right now... josh is here too

they're looking for some rock for josh for his lizard haha good luck with that

hmmm... had my interview today at the deb ... it went ok... im not really excited either way... i just want to get started and get some money..

i'm thinking about moving out this summer....

i can't wait just for a change ... i really need one soon

more money will be my first nice change.

i'm kind of tired too... i was cleaning victorias room all after noon

i thought i'd be done by now... but eh.. i'm not....

welp they're down from the attic now soooo i'm gonna go

-abby

8:49 PM - 1 view - 4 eprops - 3 comments - email it

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